Happy with the Good

We heard the babies heart beat today. It was wonderful!

I threw up all evening last night. I think I'm getting ready to tonight too.

Still getting sick everyday........ a few times.

The doctor said the sickness should be gone by now.

I am finally in my second trimester.

His words of encouragement were "Let's just hope you feel better soon."

I bet I'm hoping more than he is.

Funny

Mummie: Can you believe the baby is living in my tummie??
Matthew: Does it have furniture??

Kids are the best!!

Fun..Fun..Fun!!

Playing in the snow until they couldn't take the cold one more second. They loved it!! I built a fire and got the hot chocolate ready for them for when they came in all pink cheeked and freezing. I made a big salad and soup for dinner. It was a good day for all.......finally.

S..l..o..w..l..y........getting better........

I think I am finally starting to feel better. I have been up and about a little and have even cooked some meals. Soups and stews mostly. And salads......mmm salad. There is a group called Food Not Bombs (.com) that has been around for quite a long time. You can go to the web site if your interested in finding out about them. Anyway, I was a nanny for one of the founding members many years ago while his partner was a surrogate mother. It was a wonderful experience. I learned so much from both of them and I thoroughly enjoyed spending time with their son. His imagination was wonderful. Spending time with them was my first experience with showing and feeling love through food. They are vegan and their eating was very well planned and intentional. Food was about peace and love both with their own bodies and each others. I was vegetarian at the time, but very careless in some ways about my eating. Lots of sugar and caffeine. I was by far better than I am now though. I cut out sugar and caffeine after spending time with them and learning from them. I have never felt better or had more energy than I did then. I still ate pretty healthy until I met my husband. I ate no red meat or pork only very occasionally fish or chicken. I ate salad every night for dinner and Max had the same diet. My husbands freezer was full of red, yellow, and blue boxes. He and his family drank soft drinks constantly and ate out often. Over the years I have sadly fallen into so many bad eating habits. It has been on my mind constantly lately. I am feeling frustrated with myself for allowing it to happen, and worse for letting it continue. Joey was not raised eating healthy, and quite honestly couldn't care less about it. He has never made an honest effort to learn. So I am kind of on my own. I have a cookbook that is still packed and I can't remember the name of it. It is broken up into seasons and is vegetarian. It is from maybe the seventies. Anyway, I used to use it a lot when I was single and loved to just look at it. I am much more knowledgeable about food and cooking now than I was then. It's hard to think of totally cutting out everything that I KNOW is bad for us that we still consume, only because of the complaining from the family. It's frustrating to be doing something out of love and concern for yourself and others only to have them make it harder for you, not go along with it, and complain everyday. I have so much inner turmoil about this. I am going to have find a way to work this out so that I can finally have some peace with this after years of struggling with it. I wish that my family would feel the love now that I felt through food so many years ago. I still crave the food that they prepared and have been more than ever lately. There was a dish that was made with seitan, noodles, and basil (I think) that was sooo good that I have been craving all week. I wish I could remember how to cook it. I bought seitan and may just try and wing it. Give myself a little love.

So much catching up to do......

I have been a complete slacker when it comes to posting, I know. I have been so sick and done nothing but lay in bed and visit the bathroom quite often. The holidays were nice. We had our first Christmas alone since we got married. This year it was exactly what we needed. We slept late, ate when we wanted, and napped. Well, I napped. Joey built legos and playmobil with the boys. I did take some pictures, but that would require me walking to the kitchen to get the camera and right now I am trying to avoid throwing up. I'll post them later. We have been back to the doctor and saw the baby's heart beating and heard its 143 bpm. I have been on Zofran which helps sometimes. I have lost some weight which the doctor says is okay for two more weeks. If I am still this sick and not gaining at all he said we will have to do rounds of IVs. I mostly hope it doesn't come to that, but sometimes I feel so bad I wonder if it would make me feel better. Yup I feel that bad. Joey has been so good taking care of me and the boys. Our house is still full of boxes and not all that clean right now. Oh well! We are doing what we can to keep our heads above water right now. We don't have any friends or family within six hours so we have no help right now. Luckily that means no company either because I can start getting sick without a seconds notice. My last appointment was good except for the seven vials of blood that they took which I promptly walked outside and starting getting sick in the parking lot after. I felt so sorry for Joey. Luckily he is sweet and understanding and didn't care. Honestly, I felt so bad that I didn't really either. I have been getting nervous again. I think it's mostly because this is about the time I miscarried last time and I already feel so attached to the baby. When I close my eyes I can feel myself holding the baby. Kissing it. Even though I am so sick I am really excited. We all are. I'll post again real soon.