S..l..o..w..l..y........getting better........

I think I am finally starting to feel better. I have been up and about a little and have even cooked some meals. Soups and stews mostly. And salads......mmm salad. There is a group called Food Not Bombs (.com) that has been around for quite a long time. You can go to the web site if your interested in finding out about them. Anyway, I was a nanny for one of the founding members many years ago while his partner was a surrogate mother. It was a wonderful experience. I learned so much from both of them and I thoroughly enjoyed spending time with their son. His imagination was wonderful. Spending time with them was my first experience with showing and feeling love through food. They are vegan and their eating was very well planned and intentional. Food was about peace and love both with their own bodies and each others. I was vegetarian at the time, but very careless in some ways about my eating. Lots of sugar and caffeine. I was by far better than I am now though. I cut out sugar and caffeine after spending time with them and learning from them. I have never felt better or had more energy than I did then. I still ate pretty healthy until I met my husband. I ate no red meat or pork only very occasionally fish or chicken. I ate salad every night for dinner and Max had the same diet. My husbands freezer was full of red, yellow, and blue boxes. He and his family drank soft drinks constantly and ate out often. Over the years I have sadly fallen into so many bad eating habits. It has been on my mind constantly lately. I am feeling frustrated with myself for allowing it to happen, and worse for letting it continue. Joey was not raised eating healthy, and quite honestly couldn't care less about it. He has never made an honest effort to learn. So I am kind of on my own. I have a cookbook that is still packed and I can't remember the name of it. It is broken up into seasons and is vegetarian. It is from maybe the seventies. Anyway, I used to use it a lot when I was single and loved to just look at it. I am much more knowledgeable about food and cooking now than I was then. It's hard to think of totally cutting out everything that I KNOW is bad for us that we still consume, only because of the complaining from the family. It's frustrating to be doing something out of love and concern for yourself and others only to have them make it harder for you, not go along with it, and complain everyday. I have so much inner turmoil about this. I am going to have find a way to work this out so that I can finally have some peace with this after years of struggling with it. I wish that my family would feel the love now that I felt through food so many years ago. I still crave the food that they prepared and have been more than ever lately. There was a dish that was made with seitan, noodles, and basil (I think) that was sooo good that I have been craving all week. I wish I could remember how to cook it. I bought seitan and may just try and wing it. Give myself a little love.